“What is your hobby?”
I always hated this question.
But at the same time, I’m really embarrassed to admit that I didn’t have one for a long time (Actually, I still don’t have any definitive hobby.)
When I hear a question like this, I usually answer something like: “Well, I like a lot of things… you know, music, movies, games, books, etc.”
But can I actually call any of these a hobby?
According to Oxford Languages, a hobby is an activity done regularly in one’s leisure time for pleasure.
And this “for pleasure” part is really important here.
I Never Learned How to Do Things Just Because
When I was in my late 20s, I realized that I didn’t have a hobby.
I mean, I did things from time to time just to switch my attention from work to other aspects of my life. But could I call this a hobby? I don’t think so.
When I was a kid, I also don’t remember having a specific hobby. If you had asked me what I liked to do back then… I couldn’t answer that question.
There was always something more important to do than a hobby. For example, school or university stuff.
I’m not saying I didn’t have leisure time at all. But I remember that I didn’t do anything specific.
I have this mentality like: If I do anything, I do it for some reason.
And people ask you: “Why are you doing this?”
You tend to answer that you do this specific activity for a specific reason.
But can you answer something like, “I do this just because I like it”?
I feel like some people will ask you more questions around this just to confirm they understood you correctly and that your answer is serious.
The side hustle culture is really popular now, as well as the so-called “monetized hobby.”
The Side Hustle Problem
If you just type “hobby” into Google or YouTube, it will give you a shit ton of articles or videos about “How much I earn with my hobby,” “What hobby to choose to earn more,” and so on.
But doesn’t this kill the magic of hobbies? Like, when we stop treating them as activities we just do for no specific reason, but just for us being happy?
That’s why a lot of people use these terms interchangeably. Today, we want EVERYTHING to be monetized.
But what about just doing stuff for fun and wellbeing?
The Internet and Instant Results
Another thing is the internet “reality” itself.
Let’s say we got “inspired” by watching someone play guitar. This might be a great hobby, by the way!
And we’re eager to start playing guitar as well. We like the result—somebody plays amazingly, and we want the same result for ourselves.
But this is something people practice for years. They probably didn’t like the result at first, but they liked the process, and that’s why they pushed forward.
Usually, people start an activity, don’t get an instant perfect result, and quit.
The process might be quite hard at the beginning but actually nice later, but you’ll never know that because you’ve quit at the very beginning, even though there was potential for a satisfying hobby for you.
It might not be as well—like it’s completely not your thing. And that’s OK, but sometimes it takes a bit more to figure out.
On the internet, we see the result, which can be encouraging or discouraging to try new things, depending on our character.
But the internet doesn’t just show us results—it also shows us the applause that comes with them.
Praise From Others
We also often don’t do things because we just love to do them, but because we’re expecting somebody to tell us we are doing a great job and admire us at some point. It’s pushing us to do more and more.
But the praise is actually addicting.
I think this is what we brought from our childhood into our adult life. Being adults, we rarely hear (or don’t hear at all) from our parents that we did a good job, so we’re searching for this praise somewhere else.
Likes and comments give this to us. We need somebody to say that we’re amazing and we did an excellent job to keep ourselves motivated.
Searching For Profits
I feel the reason why I didn’t have a hobby is that I always looked at it as something I need to justify in terms of what I get from doing this.
And it’s better to be anything that I can count, or at least it has to give me some advantages or benefits in my career.
If the hobby doesn’t give you any advantages, you’re wasting your precious leisure time.
You are not productive.
This is the moment when you discover that you’re really close to being called a workaholic.
You cannot think about anything that is not related to your work.
Sometimes I feel like a really boring person when I cannot talk about anything but my work, and it makes me feel bad about myself in that moment.
We’re so focused on our careers today that we forget about another important part of our lives.
The Parental Influence
In childhood, the hobbies you have depend on what your parents can accept, suggest, or even allow you to do. And I know it’s very different and depends on the family situation as well.
I know people who told me that their parents were very supportive or discouraging. Like, parents tend to ask a lot of questions like: “Why are you choosing this?”, “What are you going to do with it later?” or my personal favorite, “Are you sure you want this?”
I know nowadays we have a lot of hobbies to pick from, and for some of them you need to pay just to start and then pay more in the future, so sometimes parents want their child to sort of “JUSTIFY” their “REQUEST FOR INVESTMENT” in the child’s future…
But seriously, how can the kid actually have the answers to all these questions?
Children usually want something they saw their friends do, or they saw it on TV or on the internet and just got curious about it and want to try it themselves. But obviously, they need to ask their parents for permission.
And depending on a parent’s REACTION (not even an answer yet), the child either stays curious about the hobby or just resigns from this idea completely.
I feel like this kind of “justification” for a hobby is the reason why many people don’t have a hobby for a huge part of their lives. We need to see that the hobby is beneficial for us.
This is how my brain used to work.
Breaking Free as an Adult
Being an adult, I’m still struggling to allow myself to try new hobbies or activities, just to see if I like them. But the difference is that I pay for that now with my money AND my time.
Sometimes I’m sort of forcing myself to try new stuff.
Now in my 30s, I’m trying to discover new hobbies and constantly telling myself that it’s OK if I start something and then quit it just because it turned out I don’t like it or it’s not for me. At least I tried.
Being a kid, when your parents did everything so that you could start some hobby, and then you’re telling them, “you know what, I don’t want this anymore”… well, parents are often disappointed, and then they think that this situation will repeat with every hobby that comes to the kid’s mind.
Later, they can even more torment the kid with questions or even not allow the kid to try anything just because they think they’re not serious enough about it.
I mean, how can the kid know? Isn’t childhood the part of your life for trying things and figuring out what you like, to know yourself better, etc.?
A Sign of Maturity
I think this is a sign of maturity when you realize that there were some mistakes made during your childhood, but now you’re an adult and you’re able to fix them.
To be honest, sometimes this actually makes me sad when I think about the hobbies that are the best to start when you’re a kid, like dancing or singing—it’s just easier for a kid to start.
Even more sad is when I think about all the time I wasted and what I could do now if I’d been doing this hobby since my childhood until now.
But we should focus on ourselves NOW. And think what we can do for ourselves NOW.
An Infinite Possibilities
Being an adult is really powerful because you don’t need to ask anyone for permission to do anything.
And fortunately, there are options for adults to start new hobbies at different ages—some paid, others free.
You just need to search for events, groups, workshops, tutorials, and local or online communities. And just allow yourself to try.
This is what I’m trying to do now.
I wanted to try a stained glass workshop—I attended a local workshop spot.
I wanted to try crocheting—I signed up for an online crocheting school, which sends me emails with new tutorials weekly, for FREE.
I wanted to try photography—I started to shoot with my phone.
And if it feels good, and you like the process, not even the result itself, you’re on the right path.
This is what your soul needs, and you’re nourishing it by doing that.
I wish you all to find as many hobbies as possible and just feel happy.
Please share in the comments what recent hobby you have discovered or started?
Maybe I would like to try it as well!
Peace!
Take care!
xx